Losing hope is easy when your only friend is gone.....

I don't know what's wrong with me these days! Actually..that's a lie. I know what's wrong with me. I have no babysitter...I haven't been out of the house for adult fun in 3 weeks. My best friends are far away. It makes me want to cry. I need to be in Texas, I need to be where people love and care about my well-being and mental health. I need time with my friends in a setting where I can just do me, where I don't have to worry that I'm going to say or do the wrong thing. I need an adult beverage dammit!
It's been 13 days since my last cigarette...I almost broke down and bought a pack today. It was serious...today was so bad that my boss told me I should smoke and drink at lunch. I almost quit my job. I said  "I'm ready to walk out of this place and never come back. I could leave now and not look back. I could be broke and lose everything I have and it will still be better than being here. I'm either quitting today, or you're going to end up firing me". Of course neither of those things happened, but I really probably could have been fired. My job is customer service. You might ask how do you give good customer service when you hate everyone around you? Here's what I do: I bitch at my boss all day. I tell him how much I hate life, how much I hate the company I work for, that I can't stand to hear the girl next to me speak because every word out of her mouth grates my nerves like an itch that you can't scratch. Aggghhhhh! I was gulping some haterade today...I brought my big orange cooler of haterade to work. I just need a night out people!!! Is that too much to ask? really? Is it too much to ask of you to take my children for 1 night a week so I can be mentally stable? I.think.not.
I have to go shopping for school supplies and clothes tomorrow...I'm not even looking forward to it. It's tax free weekend, so I feel like I have to..I'm obliged to buy clothes and supplies tomorrow. How can I not?! I dread being out there with the other 3 billion people who are shopping tax fee. These people are hardcore deal sharks. So am I to a point, but the people I'm going to shop with tomorrow are not my friends. Hopefully they let me get in, get what I need, and get out without opposition. I can't deal with opposition right, I need a drink.
It's Friday night...I'm ready to go out, but I have no where to go, no one to go out with, and no sitter. Hopefully I get to go somewhere tomorrow night, I will def let you know if I do!