And I'm Eaten Alive, By What I Hold Inside

It's been a horrible week...Okay, maybe not horrible. I've been through worse, but it's pretty bad.

I'm trying to keep my feelings neutral because my moods are swinging so badly. I don't know which way they'll go, so if I stay neutral..I don't have to worry about if I'm going hug someone or punch them in the face.

My ex was sent to jail last Thursday night.
I know.
It's horrible.
His (now ex)girlfriend got mad because I gave the ex-factor a ride to our 4 year old's Christmas program. We haven't always been able to get along that well. However, both of their vehicles were in the shop and he didn't have transportation to get to the program. I knew how bad my little guy wanted his daddy to be there. So I sucked up all my extra feelings and went way out of my way for the greater good of my children.

Apparently when I took the ex home his girlfriend was pissed. I only heard his side of the story, so I can't be sure what really happened. I'm know she pushed his buttons and he pushed right back. She got a little violent and the whole situation escalated to the point where she felt like the authorities should be called.
Honestly, I could really care less about what happens between the two of them. BUT, what I do care about, is the fact that my children were just at the point where they love her, trust her, and want to spend time with her, their half-brother, and her older son. It breaks my heart, I haven't told my kids yet. I don't know what to say to them. I don't know how to tell them that their 2nd family has fallen apart. Can I just pretend it didn't happen and wait til the ask? What are the rules here? I mean...I know they'll eventually ask and I'll have to tell them something.

Here's the kicker of this whole situation: My ex has a 2 year suspended sentence. He goes to court on January 3rd about this domestic dispute. The judge could revoke his sentence and send him to prison for 2 years.

It makes really upset to face the possibility of taking my kids to the penitentiary to see there father. I'm angry at both he and his ex-girlfriend. There are so many little lives that are affected by their dumbass actions. Apparently they  have no concept of taking their kid's feelings into consideration.

So I'm holding in my thoughts and feelings. I may have a breakdown before all is said and done. For now, I'll just hold it inside and keep my exterior neutral. Maybe I can trick myself into being genuinely happy over the holidays.

Bah...Merry Christmas!