Living Dead Girl

So...Hot As Hell was almost 2 weeks ago...the last time I left my house by myself for anything other than work and grocery shopping...fml. I'm stressed and depressed. Here's my fave moment from Hot As Hell:

That's right, he stopped right in the middle of the song to save this chic that had been crowd surfing in a bikini top. We were closer to the middle of the stage and 5 or 6 feet farther forward. This happened in front of and to the right of us. Some guy reached up and ripped this girl's top off. Then as she was trying to cover herself and fix her top at the same time she got pulled down into the pit and guys were grabbing on her and accosting her...it was crazy. I had so much respect for this man that I won't even pirate their album, I'll buy it for real. 

I rode to the fest with Heather and Steve, we had a great time. Got some margaritas at Mexicali when we got there, then headed down towards the fest. All That Remains was on stage when we got there. After their set Josh found me and we went to the front of the stage while 10 years was setting stage. I love 10 years, I wanted to see 10 years more than anyone there. However...I got sick. The 2 margaritas I had combined with not eating much made me want to fall over. So I sat down through most of their set. After that we went back to Mexicali, drank water and beer and I was good to go. We got back to the fest in time for Sevendust and 5FDP. Then Rob Zombie! I had such a great time. Josh took me home and we had great convo.  It's nice to chill with someone who really understands me and where I'm coming from with things. 

Our central air was out from Friday to Tuesday this week. I haven't been anywhere just for me in almost 2 weeks. AND I've just been informed that I have no babysitter for this weekend..soooo I'm not going to get to do anything for me this weekend either. I'm crying right now..literally. I need something outside of work and this house. bah...FML! 

So, must of you don't know this but I like to write poetry. I've started a few poems over the past few days. I haven't really finished them or went anywhere with them though:

1.

Seemingly nothing is going my way

It seems as if nothing is here to stay.

2. 

I'm sick

I'm depressed

Something is wrong

I'm alone

I'm scared 

Something is gone

I feel like I can combine them, I just haven't really tried yet.

Anyways, I'm going to put my children to bed and have a safety meeting. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

It Started Out With A Kiss, How Did It End Up Like This?!

OMG! Life is crazy! I know it's been a while since I've blogged...I have been demonized, dramatized, and traumatized since the last time you heard from me.

My Gammy does have cancer for sure. She actually started chemo today, but more on that later...

Last Thursday was my 28th birthday, that's right I turned 28 on 7/7. Guess what I woke up to on my birthday morn? A tweet from my sister saying my grandpa had went to the hospital via ambulance during the night! My grandma rode with him in the ambulance. I went ahead and went to work since I didn't really know what was going on. Another girl in my department was on vacation, so I knew I would have to be here to do some things before I could go to the hospital. My mom called around 9:20 and told me to get over to the hospital ASAP because my Gammy didn't feel good and they were probably going to admit my Da-dad because he was severely dehydrated and had pneumonia.

I got to the hospital and went into the ER room my grandpa was in. He was asleep, Gam was sitting in a chair at the foot of his bed. I sat down on the floor beside her so she could re-hash everything that had happened. She was telling me the story and noticed her left foot was so swollen she couldn't put her shoe on. My mom had told me she was having issues with her foot, but I didn't realize it was that bad.

Gam was supposed to have a port put in last Friday for her chemo, so I knew she needed to get her foot looked at just in case something was really wrong. Her foot was swollen, red, and angry looking. I went back and forth with her for about an hour and a half. I even got one of the nurses on her case. I had to get a little mean with her, but she finally agreed to getting it looked at.

My grandpa was admitted and put in a private room, Gammy was in minor emergency ER, and my boys were being bad. I left Lu with Mom and Sara and took the boys to the house. I hadn't been gone long when my mom called and said that Gam was being admitted as well, she had a blood clot in her leg! That's right...my birthday, both grandparents admitted to the hospital. They came home yesterday and are both doing better.

Gam went to the oncologist today, even though she wasn't able to get her port as planned they still started chemo today through a regular vein. They'll put her port in once all of the cumedin is out of her system.

So...last Saturday night was horrible. I really thought it was going to be amazing...it even started out amazing. It ended up going horribly wrong...I went out with this guy that I had been talking to for around a week, we have mutual friends so I really thought things might be good. I was out with friends, seeing one of my fave bands and he met me at the bar to have drinks. We hit it off instantly.

It's not something I normally do, but I went home with him, we had like..an instant connection. Well...he failed to tell me a few things that I didn't find out until his wife (yes, I said WIFE!) showed up. He's married, has been with this lady for 6 years, and has only been seperated for as long as we've been talking. It was bad kids...it was hardcore...like, I may never date again. Okay, going a little far there, but I have no desire to date at this time. This girl was c-razy! She busted the windows out of his SUV with a bat, I really thought she was going to try to hit me with a bat at one point. I won't go into gory details,  you can message me if you really want them. Needless to say, I was pissed. After her psychotic ass left I made him take me to my truck. I ended up getting home around 5 Sunday morning. Sunday was traumatic for me..re-living those moments..lol. I'm laughing today, but I'm still traumatized.

Yesterday was better. I'm in a better mood all around today. I'm trying to quit smoking, I promised myself I would, so here's to day 1!

I was giving Jackson a bath the other night and he raised his arm up and said "wash my armpits, I smell like a dowg". I asked him who told him that and he said "my nana did." LOL! That kid cracks me up.

Lu's favorite thing to say these days is "no", constantly. To every single thing I say to her, it doesn't even have to be a question,  and she folds her arms when she says it, she's serious.

Riley is bored during summer break, he likes to stir up trouble with the little kids to make his summer less boring.

I guess I'll end this here. I'm going to Hot As Hell Festival this weekend, I'm pretty stoked about that! I can't wait to see 10 Years, Sevendust, and of course Rob Zombie! I'll update you if anything interesting happens in my life between now and then, I'm praying the rest of the week is boring though.

and she swears there's nothing wrong...

I'm sad today...I can't help it, I'm trying to be happy, but there's so much going on.

Last month my grandma had to have a ultrasound on her breast. That turned into her needing a biopsy. My mom and I assumed it was a fibroid tumor because a lot of women in our family have experienced those at one time or another.

Yesterday she got a call saying she needs to come in today because they have her results. Now in my mind, a doctor probably isn't going to make you drive an hour and a half to give you good news...right? I'm hoping the doc is just really dumb and doesn't realize she has to drive so far and he's going to tell her all good things. But, it's hard to be optimistic at this point.

I want to go somewhere and cry... My grandma practically raised me, I'm closer to her than anyone in my family. I love her most, ya know?

So, if you believe in the power of prayer, say a few for my Gam today...and say a few for me too. I hate this day and everything about it so far. I feel like that's not fair. It's also my Gam's birthday if I forgot to mention that...and it's the first day of summer. I don't want to hate this day, that's why I'm trying to be happy. it's not working out very well though.

My night was horrible. Jackson woke me up in the middle of the night because he's an insomniac. He tried to get in bed with me and I told him to go get back in his bed. Lulu sleeps with me in a queen size bed, she sleeps sideways and hogs covers, even at 21 months old. So I knew if Jackson got in bed with us I would get no sleep and I was already cranky. He got mad at me and proceeded to stand outside my bedroom door and pee his pants. Also leaving a puddle in the floor. I was not a happy camper cleaning up urine in the middle of the night....okay, I was really pissed. Better to be pissed off than to be pissed on though, right? 

This is a reluctant confession right here: I yelled at him, and I spanked him. I feel horrible today. I realize in my morning awakedness that he probably had a nightmare or something in the middle of the night and needed his mom to comfort him and I totally and utterly failed this time. Yet another reason I want to go somewhere and cry.

I think I may drink my lunch, for reals...I rarely do that, especially on work days, but I think today warrants a lunch margarita.