♫I can do it to your mind, I can do it to your...face♫

This is the song in my head right now:

But either way
Either way, you know where it stands
I wanna kill you
I wanna blow you...
Away

I'm not sure if you guys remember the 90s or not, but in my mind some of the best music ever came out of the 90s. They lyrics above are from a song called "Angry Johnny" by Poe. I miss music like this. I miss music that was straight forward, in your face, and made your heart weep. Granted there is still music around like that. Not in this style though.

This hasn't been the best week for me. It's turning out better, but I had to make great leaps to make it that way. Last Friday night I was getting ready for my kid's birthday party that took place on Saturday. A great friend of mine and I were on the phone, he had a discussion with his ex about getting back together and working things out. They have 2 kids together so I'm all for that. I'm all about working things out and being happy together if you think that's what's going to make you happy. However, he and I have a significant relationship. We have an emotional bond. His ex apparently doesn't like that and told him if they were to work things out he and I can't be friends anymore.

What the fuck kind of shit is that? Really? Because obviously we are mature and responsible enough to just be friends? BS! I don't want a romantic relationship with him. I'm quite content with what I have at this point. However, it's hard for me to make friends. I only trust a handful of people with my life issues. He's the only person I've ever felt comfortable telling every single detail of my life to. He's helped me work through so many of my issues and made a huge effort in helping me fix myself. Now, because the ex either doesn't trust me, him, or is insanely jealous..I've lost my friend.

I can understand if she doesn't trust me, she doesn't know me to trust me. She doesn't know me enough to know that I never lie about anything. That I don't cheat. If she doesn't trust him..then why in the hell does she want to try and work things out with him? I don't know about any of you, but I'll never again be in a relationship where I can't trust my significant other. The possibility of jealousy..I understand that. She's like, 6 or 7 months pregnant with her ex-boyfriend's baby. They lived together for a while. I can see where she might be jealous. I don't totally understand jealousy, I don't subscribe to jealousy, especially in a relationship. When you are jealous of others and you're in a relationship, it's going to cause your relationship to go south at some point.

I would never be in a relationship in which I was told who I could and could not be friends with. I'm friends with my ex, if future boyfriends/lovers/husbands cannot understand that...well, here's a big "fuck you!" to you guys right now. We won't last. I won't waste my time. If you can't handle the fact that I'm friends with my exes, that I have mostly male friends, and that I talk to them daily...then I don't want you. If you can't trust me enough to handle myself in situations that may tempt me to cheat, again "FUCK you!".

I think I have my point across..lol. In the end of our conversation, I was crying. I was sad. He said "I guess this is the last time we'll talk". I told him that if they don't work out he can give me a call at any point, whether it be 5 years or 15 years, I'll answer and I expect we'll still be friends. I just don't understand how you could be striving for a normal, healthy, working relationship and tell someone who they can or cannot be friends with. It really pisses me off. It makes me sort of mad at him too that he didn't fight to be my friend....am I not worth it to you? Maybe we won't be friends again after all....I just gave myself a lot to think about as far as how valuable I really was to him.

Anyway, this week is almost over. Erin will be here on Friday! She's staying the night with me and I'm super excited about this. Also, Korn tickets go on sale on Friday! Like I said, this is turning into a fantastic week! :) I hope all of you are having great weeks too! <3